College essay help please!?

Communities define our lives. Those you are born into, those you make yourself, and those you fall into by accident—communities of all types influence us and help shape us. Describe a defining community in your life and what it means to you.








The image of countless young families waving their mothers, fathers, or spouses goodbye as they stayed behind, hands interlaced with fences by the runway is seared in my memory. I was seven then. Every kid was given a little American flag. And though it was disguised as a happy event with red-white-and-blue banners and symbols of patriotism dispersed throughout the hanger, we all felt sick to our stomachs as we tried so hard to deny the fact that this could inevitably be the last time we’d ever hug our father tight and hear his voice as he said goodbye.


Upon first news of his deployment to the conflict in Kosovo, my father, like the countless men and women of our armed services, answered the call, not once hesitating to do what his country asked of him. I have yet to see such loyalty, such selfless service so clearly displayed. Living in the military community has instilled in me the strong morals that have led me to where I am today. When many people my age disobey laws and cheat on tests, I have the integrity to do what I know is right because the military life has shown me it’s possible to hold oneself to a higher standard.


You could say I’ve lived the quintessential “army brat” life, finding myself with new faces in new places every three years. I’ve had to leave close friends behind and I’ve had to endure stressful and emotional times, but I don’t look back on these events with contempt. Without these struggles, I wouldn’t be where I am today applying to one of the most prestigious schools in the country because I wouldn’t have been close to the required standards.


Only now, at 18 years old can I see how great an opportunity I’ve had, living a life overseas, immersed in a culture other than my own. In Italy, though I longed for my friends and home in the United States, I learned to love where I was. I learned to adapt to my community, immersing myself in Italian culture and playing soccer in the streets with Italian friends. When the history teacher points out the coliseum of Ancient Rome in history books, I see it come to life as the day I stood four foot small as the walls of the ancient arena encompassed me. When the history teacher points out Michelangelo’s mural in history books, I see it as the day I stood in that very chapel and saw the image of God creating Adam painted in the sky.


The military life has given me the opportunity to immerse myself in European culture and to see the world first hand. It has instilled in me the need for personal perfection. As the son of a U.S. Army officer I’ve had the opportunity to live in a variety of different communities and they have truly shaped me into the hardworking, morally, physically, and mentally strong person I am today.

College essay help please!?
Your essay sounds great. It's hard to tell where your paragraphs are just because of YA formatting... so I can't comment on that. The only thing I would look over is this sentence





"When the history teacher points out the coliseum of Ancient Rome in history books, I see it come to life as the day I stood four foot small as the walls of the ancient arena encompassed me. "





To me, it seemed jumbled and I had to read it a few times... maybe just chang it too... "...I see it come to life AS IT DID the day ...