Is there ever any justification for abuse?

I am in so much turmoil. I have a verbal/emotionally abusive husband of 12 years who has called me every name in the book. He does this while screaming in my face to the top of his lungs even in front of the children(ages 6 and 4). We are in therapy and I am very confused by it. I just really want to leave but I am scared to do this on my own. Currently I'm unemployed yet looking for a job. Is there any justification to be abusive. I haven't always been the best I could be. I haven't gone back to college, I've gained weight after the kids, and I sometimes nag a little but for good reason. He says my opinions don't matter and makes important decisions without consulting me(bought a brand new suv). He's told me I'm not **** to him and his family and our kids are his blood, not me. Looks at porno magazines and has a secret p.o box. I just want to know if a person can bring abuse upon them by not being good enough to their mate?

Is there ever any justification for abuse?
I want you to repeat this to yourself over and over, "I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, NOR DESERVING OF HIS ABUSE!"





It is never acceptable, and it is NEVER the victim's fault.





Leave him, and leave him NOW.





It will not get better.


I'm a child of a relationship just like yours, and my sisters and I hated every second of our parents' marriage. A child knows when something wrong is going on- even as young as four. You are beautiful, and talented, and if you leave him, you will be able to find someone else who deserves you and will love you the way you should be loved, and you will get a great job and be able to support yourself and your children.





But please, leave him now. Don't think about it, just pack your bags, take your kids, and go to your parents' home, or a close friends house, or anywhere you'll be safe, but do NOT stay with this abusive monster.
Reply:Stop getting worried about job, simply walk out and find a new place to stay. Than start looking for a job. Do not leave your track. Make sure that he doesn't find you...........Once you will live all alone on your own, you will gain confidence....Take help of some friend to support you for just a month or two...........Life has much more to offer than living as slave !!
Reply:THERE IS NEVER ANY JUSTIFIFCATION FOR ABUSE OF ANY KIND!
Reply:abuse never has a justification...But is not only his fault you konw,it's your fault too, because you accept him and forgive his mistakes all the time...You have to know,that isn't love...Try to have a talk to him,try to tell him what you feel,try to fight back...he dosn't have a right to hit you!!!
Reply:You are so used to be taken care of that you dint have the strength or confidence to get rid of this guy. You say you are in therapy and the therapist hasn't taken you off to the side and said run like hell this guy is dangerous. you need to look for a different therapist. he has no respect for you or your kids and if left unchecked the verbal will turn into physical abuse.
Reply:How does he figure your not good enough for him. You where good enough to have his children. Take it from someone who has been in almost the same situation. You have to find a way to fall in love with yourself again. Somewhere during the relationship you lost who you are in him. You must finds ways to empower yourself. Go out and get that job you were talking about. Hell maybe even check into going back to school. No one woman or man deserves to be treated like that. And unfortunately it can only be you who decides when enough is enough. I understand that is scary out there and you have no clue as to how you will make it as a single parent with your children. But it can be done. If you are a religious person ask God for his help I promise you he will show you the way. But you have to be willing to take that step toward your happiness.





Remember it's called SELF-ESTEEM. When you get yours back know one will ever be able to take it from you again.





Good luck
Reply:if he Love's you like he said he do.then he wood not do it.just tall him you are tired of it and you are living.then see what he Say's.and then tall him that all the abusive you giving me I'm gone.look at it this way.he thinks.he keeps you in your place.is this what you won't ?
Reply:there is no reason to be abusive. i think that u should leave him before its too late. only thing is find urself a job.
Reply:I mean ofcourse we are responsible for what happens to us in life and can't go around blaming only outside factors for it, BUT this is just TOOOOO Much!! Leave him! He's disgusting already!! you know that. I know women that were in your shoes and they had children to take care of but did what was best for them and left.





Do you have any family or freinds that can hide you away? Get a restraining order. Get all the help that you could get. You must be very drained and unsure of yourself. TRUST ME! Find a time and place, then GO!





Good luck to you and your family. Pls leave him!! Huggs
Reply:my ex had disappointed me at times, but I would never degrade a loved one like that, let alone the woman who loves me...





first off i commend you for seeking therapy. it shows that you've made an effort to resolve this serious problem within the constitution of marriage.





but his display of behavior should be tolerated to the extent that you have, let alone in front of your kids. I personally am against divorce, but i feel it is really destructive to raise a family in this kind of environment. it is not fair to you, nore the kids...





you deserve way better. whatever you decide to do, i hope it works out for the best for you and the kids.





good luck, and stay tough^^
Reply:He has the problem here!
Reply:There is NEVER a reason for abuse, and sadly your situation sounds like many of those you hear on the news or see in TV Movies. You sound like you are blaming yourself for him being abusive when in fact something in him is causing it. So you have changed your appearance since having kids, and you picked your kids over school. So what! I would love just to go off on this as this type of behavior from a fellow man is something I cannot tolerate. I think if the counseling isn't helping then maybe check for options on ways to get out of the situation before it goes from verbal to physical.
Reply:There is NO justification for that kind of treatment! NONE! It's not your fault! Your hubby is a stone cold JERK! You need not put up with that kind of crap! There are woman's shelters that will help you get away from this ape man and start over!
Reply:No person has the right to abuse someone else.You should have left him the first time he did this to you.Why do you think you should live like you do?You just let him treat you this way because you are afraid of starting over.I know you have friends ,or some relatives to go stay with.As long as you put up with this bull,he will keep on doing it and no amount of theraphy is going to help.If any woman is being abused and thinks things will get better,look in the mirror and stop fooling yourself.I would rather be by myself than live like you are living and so should you.
Reply:There is never a justification for abuse. Period.





It is good that you recognize that you have some room to improve yourself and your behaviour. But instead of waiting for his approval, are for a voice of god, why don't you just start? Go to the gym, for example. Or start exercising. Or start treating all people (not just your husband and kids), so all people nice; the way you want to be treated yourself.





Look up (internet or local church) if there are women support groups in your neighbourhood for abused women because you may not be able to break the cycle of abuse alone; you need support (yes, it is all right to come forward and share your abuse, with the right people).





Good luck. And let me repeat again:


There is NEVER a justification for abuse! Never!
Reply:I don't no.
Reply:there is no justification to abuse-ever. he has you controled to think you are at fault. get out of there. your children shouldn't have to hear him screaming at you and neither should you.
Reply::( You dont have to put up with that.
Reply:Just get with your local community womens abuse center if there worth a --- they'll show how to get out of the situation.You also have to want the help and follow through with it and not just complain about it.My oldest sister is in the same situation.
Reply:Don't blame yourself-dump him.
Reply:The questiojn is WHY have you stayed with him????
Reply:Whoa' Girl!!!! You get that out of your mind!! You are married to a a-s-s hole. You do not have to take any sh## off of him. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD. Guys like this like to blame others because they can't take responsibility for there actions. To tell you the truth you would be better off with out him if he is going to live this way. I have to tell you the truth. It will be hard by yourself but you can do it!!. Don't let him tell you you can't. You do not have to live this way. Some guys are so stupid when they have someone that tries to be good to them they take advantage of there good graces. Don't be taken advantage of' there are two many men that would be glad to have someone like that to come home to.
Reply:In my opinion there is NEVER any justification for abuse of any kind. Abusers are very good at convincing their victim that they deserve what they're getting and sooner or later they become so convinced that they deserve it even though the things being said are not true. Nobody deserves to be abused. If the abuse is so bad, why wait to leave? There are places for abused women you can go to.