How do you handle it when your child is being bullied at school?

Both of my children are verbally abused at school. One has graduated and is through college. The other one has 3 more years to go. I feel so sad and angry for her. My oldest found her own way in high school. She achieved and overcame but the scars are still with her. She will most likely never attend a class reunion and wishes to contact no one from her class. Classmates found her in Face Book while she was in college and contacted her but after messaging back and forth she found that they were just the same as in high school. Small minded and self centered.


My youngest has suffered the worst. It started in 1st grade. She is a decent athlete and has played on a summer fast pitch softball team for the past 5 years in a town other than where she goes to school. She tried out for the Fast Pitch team this year as a freshman at the school she attends. The girls completely shut her out. She wasn't a stand out but she was better than most.

How do you handle it when your child is being bullied at school?
This is finicky business. I don't have too much experience, so don't take my word for it completely, but I've had a lot of times in school where kids made fun of me, and I'll tell you what worked for me.





The answer is courage.





Even if you are afraid, even if you know they will ridicule you, stand up, look them in the eye, and tell them firmly: "Look here. I am a human being. I can talk. I have intelligence. If someone treated you badly, and if that is why you are treating me badly, I am telling you now, I'm sorry about that, and you will have to find a different way to release that stress. I am not afraid of you. You are a human being too. I want to be a part of this community and I see no good reason that I should not be if I want to."


After you say something along these lines, they will ridicule you, tell you what a stupid smartypants you are, how dumb your ideas are, but the truth is, they are denying you because you are right and they are afraid of it, they want to stay where they are because of habit. When you back down and tell them that "be that way, it's hopeless and it always will be", they are vindicated, and go back to their safe, happy world of being mean to others. When you realize that their response doesn't change your response in the slightest, when you BELIEVE and say that your staement still stands, they will shrug and walk away, and then you know you have won the argument (but don't for heaven's sake tell them that. That's going down to their level of, HA told you so.)





It really seems like they are stupid semi-humans that cannot relate. But are they really? No. If you are honest with them, if you tell them the truth and do not back down in the slightest, then eventually they will recognize you. You have to realize that whatever their response to you is, your response doesn't change.





It is very, very, hard. Not thinking that we are who others think we are is so difficult, it is no wonder that people have trouble with it. It takes an incredible amount of courage to stand up and repeat what we've said a second time when it has already been argued against, but there lies success.





I really hope this all helps. When I was at school, kids would make fun of me for being short and smart. They, in effect, tried to beat me down and make me subhuman. I told them firmly and to their faces that I was quite certain that I was human. They looked and laughed, then looked at me again and saw that I was firm. Then they let me be. But had I for an instant backed down, and accepted their animosity, I would not be here telling you this. It is a terrible and wonderful experience.





It is OK to feel sad and angry, and feel free to cry and rage on your own if you feel like it. But don't try to hurt the people who are hurting you, because as Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye and then the whole world is blind." You can admit to the mean people that you are sad and angry because they won't accept you, but realize that that does not mean they are right.





Are there any other specific reasons for this rejection from society, like being short, weird, lesbian, of a different race or ethnicity, or is it just because the kids are mean? Certain issues may have to be addressed directly, like telling people and not backing down that being weird is in fact good, allowing for a greater variety of ideas to flow in the ideological continuum.





Remember to be who you are and not who others tell you you are.





Feel free to also email me, lelandbug@gmail.com
Reply:well theres not much you can do...i mean if their out of college then they wouldnt be bullied. i think you can only give them advice and comfort them, that way your letting your children fix the problem, that way they can face their bullies with their head high, dont interfere just give them confidence