Discipline?

Recently I've realized just how much the fact that my parents didn't discipline my siblings and myself comes into play.





It's not discipline in the way of punishment, but more in the fact of if we didn't want to do something, our parents really didn't make us do it. A good example would be "Go study for your test"... "I don't want to"... "Fine, fail it; it's your own fault". And they wouldn't force us to study.





Now that I'm in college and it's close to exam time, I'm finding it EXTREMELY hard to force myself to study or read books that I don't want to read or go to class when I don't want to. I almost wish I had someone to get in my face and tell me to get off my a** and do these things, but I don't have anyone like that. I never did.





How are some ways or tricks I can use to discipline myself to get these things done, not only for now, but for the future? I really need to get these things done and I really want to have that discipline that others have to get things done.

Discipline?
Take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming other people for your difficulties. Why do you imagine that it is easy to sit down and study? The majority of people dislike study and find it a very dreaded means to an end. Stop waiting to *feel* like studying. Its not going to happen. Do it anyway, regardless of how you feel. You know the consequences if you don't.
Reply:I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but I found your question interesting because I had the exact opposite when I was a kid. My parents never allowed me to make my own choices about whether I studied. I had to do it regardless of whether I wanted to or not. When I went away to uni I suddenly found myself in charge of my own life having had no experience of motivating myself. I'd always been told what to do and had never had to organise myself. I found it almost impossible to get the work done, because I had nobody on my case telling me to do it.





By putting the responsibility for not studying back onto you, your parents gave you a useful tool for adulthood. In adult life there is nobody breathing down your neck saying "get up, go to work, do your studying etc", and if you do not do those things you are the one who suffers. As adults we make choices and we have to take the responsibility for those choices, and a taste of that in childhood and adolescence is a useful insight into what adulthood holds for us.





Good luck with the exams!
Reply:It is time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Every deed has a consequence. If you don't study you will most likely fail. If you cross the street on a red light you take a chance on being hit by a car. So if you want to succeed do what it takes. Your parents were only doing what they knew best, they probably wanted you to make decisions on your own, and learn by your errors. You should thank them rather than criticize them.
Reply:Here you go. Get off your *** and do what you need to do. Your parents form of motivation was a form of reverse psychology. They figured that if they tried to tell you what to do you would do the opposite. Now, you have a dilemma because you can't buckle down and focus on what needs to be done. I have been there myself. But you have to ask yourself "Where do I want to be in life 5, 10, 20 years down the line?" To be successful, you have to put aside your own wants and do what needs to be done. Try delaying gratification. It is a cognitive-behavioral technique that is meant to teach people to focus on meeting their responsibilities before engaging in pleasurable activities. Set a schedule for yourself. Make it such that you can only do a certain activity if you go to class, study, etc. Believe me, the more you do it, the more rewarding those other, pleasurable activities will be. I hope this helps.
Reply:Actually, your parents were smarter than you think. Not so much in elementary school, but by junior high, forcing a child to do something like study doesn't instill any self motivation. When the parent backs off, the child stops doing what they don't want to do.





Your parents obviously told you what their expectations were, and if you chose not to make a good decision, they explained what the consequence would be.





Now you realize you make some bad choices, and you need to change. How wonderful! Clearly you did well enough to get into college, so things are not as bad as you think. Maybe you are someone who doesn't have to study that much anyway. How are your grades?





Try little rewards for yourself after accomplishing a task.





College is like any school in that there are classes you will like and others you won't. Pay attention to this.





Frankly, you sound a lot like me in your approach to college. I always told myself that no matter what, I was inherently smarter than at least 1/2 the people in any given class, so no matter how much or how little I studied, I would beat the curve. And I did. Chill.
Reply:Set a schedule and stick to it. Look at your education as your job - you don't do it well you won't get paid in the future. If you are having difficulty in a subject -ask for help- it is just as important a skill as discipline and will help you greatly in your future career. When you accomplish your goal (good grade, complete a project) reward yourself with a special treat (a mani-pedi, massage, day off to go window shopping, etc). It is important you put off the "reward" until the job is accomplished or it isn't a reward. Try to look at each class as an opportunity to grow and develop yourself to be the successful adult you know you can be. Also be sure to take a few child development courses they will not only help you with disciplining yourself but help you in the future with your own family challenges. Good Luck!
Reply:My mother was the same way and I thank her for that...I had to learn from my mistakes, I didnt have someone telling me what I should and shouldnt do...and as a result, I had to make good choices...if I didnt I learned from them and would try again...





You are making excusses for not doing your exam and that is your fault not your parents....And I am sure if they were in your face all the time telling you what to do right now you would be saying I dont want to do my exam, I was told what to do my whole life and now I want to rebel......You are lucky you are in college dont waste it, there are people who want to be there and they cant....get an education
Reply:Don't blame your parents. They could not make you do something that you did not want to do. Blame your self. You sound very imature and just finding excuses to act like a child, Grow up and do your work.