Is this a good chapter in my new book i'm writing for a college prep writing class?

After receiving her visitors, the countess was so tired that she gave orders to admit no more, but the porter was told to be sure to invite to dinner all who came "to congratulate." The countess wished to have a tete-a-tete talk with the friend of her childhood, Princess Anna Mikhaylovna, whom she had not seen properly since she returned from Petersburg. Anna Mikhaylovna, with her tear-worn but pleasant face, drew her chair nearer to that of the countess.





"With you I will be quite frank," said Anna Mikhaylovna. "There are not many left of us old friends! That's why I so value your friendship."





Anna Mikhaylovna looked at Vera

Is this a good chapter in my new book i'm writing for a college prep writing class?
Sup War and Peace!
Reply:It reads prety well. However, I would limit using Anna's last name every time you mention her. It's a very long and tough to pronounce name. The reader already know's it after the first mention of her. Redundancy can kill a story.
Reply:Interesting. I particularly like the way you use the names over and over which is exactly how Russian people seem to act in classic novels. Well done.
Reply:After receiving her visitors, the countess was so tired that she gave orders to admit no more, but the porter was told to be sure to invite to dinner all who came "to congratulate."





This should be two sentences. For instance "...admit no more. She directed the porter to invite to dinner all who came ,,," This also takes care of the passive voice problem "the porter was told".





The countess wished to have a tete-a-tete talk with the friend of her childhood, Princess Anna Mikhaylovna, whom she had not seen properly since she returned from Petersburg.





Again a long sentence. "The countess invited her childhood friend, Princess Anna Mikhaylovna, to her suite for a tete-a-tete. They had not conversed since she returned from Petersburg." (The countess or the princess?)





In the context here, I can't tell why Anna Mikhaylovna's face is fear-worn. It would probably be obvious if I'd read the whole story.





I haven't read a lot of Russian novels, so maybe the qutoation by Anna M. is very appropriate. I'd rather read, though, "To be honest with you, I don't have many old friends left. That's why I value your friendship so much."





Anyway enough for now. You definitely caught my attention or I wouldn't go on and on like this. I hope you continue to write and don't take my suggestions as negative -- I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't find it very engaging..





Oops -- one more thing. "Show, don't tell." Don't say Vera isn't a favorite child. Show it by their interaction -- which you do, but you may strengthen it by mentioning body language.